Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
