my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
