Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
