I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
