i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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