What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
