I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
