We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
