Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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