grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
