also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
ttyl tear gas
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
