you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
