Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
