the condom got lost in my hair
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
