his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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