Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
There's always time for handjobs
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
