between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he fucked my hip out of place.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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