My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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