I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
