After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
