Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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