remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
