pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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