I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
