I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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