If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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