His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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