yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
