im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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