I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
