You're a womanizer and a bitch.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
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So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
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sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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