Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
