I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
