My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
