Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize