just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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