Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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