Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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