i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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