Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
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I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
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the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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