btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
