I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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