We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
