Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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