She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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