my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
