he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
