Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
