im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
