my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
