Moan for me like Helen Keller
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
