I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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