my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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