i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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