I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
