If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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