You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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