Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
