So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
