I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
