If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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