sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
