There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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