just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
