kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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