dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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