nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
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I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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