You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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