I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
