I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
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.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
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We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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