sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
