Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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