dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
