break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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